Listening to sad music feels like a hug
Walking through the woods feels like tasting fresh water
Running on a trail feels like coming up for air
Lying in the grass feels like being kissed by someone you love
Petting a dog feels like putting a friendship bracelet on my wrist
Hearing the birds sing feels like an orchestra warming up
Seeing the mountains feels like looking up at your mother
Touching the bristles on a pine tree feels like goosebumps on a chilly day
Lighting a candle feels like being home
Going outside feels like a steaming cup of coffee
Living on this earth feels like dying and then being revived
Over and over again
Callie Hikes is a reader-supported publication!
If you want to show your support, you can subscribe (paid or free) or Buy Me A Coffee below!
On Tuesday, my partner and I took a day trip to St. Francios State Park. It’s about an hour outside of St. Louis. I had been there once before a few years ago with Honey to hike one of the parks long trails, the Pike Run Trail. At that point in my life, I was crazy for distances over ten miles, and with Pike Run being exactly that, it piqued my interest. As a team, Honey and I hadn’t done an overnight together, but we were getting plenty of practice with longer day hikes. Slowly, with each hike, we were finding our trail legs.
For his trip with my partner, we weren’t doing anything remotely ambitious. We mostly wanted to do a short hike and eat lunch by the water. The Big River, a tributary of the Meramec River, runs along the park and there are plenty of short trails from parking areas to the shoreline. With it being a hot, humid Missouri day, many were out slashing in the water and lying out on the rocks nearby. After driving around and surveying the park, we pulled into the Mooner’s Hollow Trailhead for a 3-mile hike alongside a creek that flowed from the Big River.
It was sticky; not even ten minutes in and the sweat sparkling over my body looked like I’d just been swimming. We hadn’t been hiking alone together for quite a while, so we settled into a gentle groove. Me in front and my partner a few paces behind. Our paces often conflict with each other. I typically hike with purpose, like I’m walking in a city focused on getting where I need to be. My partner, on the other hand, likes to mosey and stops frequently to look at whatever wildlife or interesting thing we come across.
I used to get annoyed at this. Yes, it’s a deer track in the mud, let’s get going! But I’ve calmed down and grown to love this part about him. We balance each other out. I encourage a faster stride so we aren’t on the trail longer than we want to be, and he slows me down enough to take note of the surroundings more. It’s a lovely equilibrium.
I don’t really talk about our partnership much and part of that is to keep our relationship to ourselves. To provide a little insight, we’ve been together for 5+ years now and have lived together for three of those years. There is quite a significant age gap between us and I think that’s part of the reason why I don’t share more details about us. Some people get squeamish about it. I honestly felt that way too, until I met him. The age didn’t matter, we fell in love with each other like anyone else does, and we are happy.
At the halfway point of the trail, there was a small waterfall nestled along the creek that we had followed the entire way. It wasn’t anything spectacular like something you would see in the Pacific Northwest or like the ones I saw on the Foothills Trail. But for Missouri, it was beautiful. Standing in the creek at the top of the small falls, with the shallow water seeping deep into my boots, I looked out and felt the peace flow into me like the stream at my feet. I smiled and breathed in the moment, savoring every last drop before we continued.
It’s taken a long time, but I am finally starting to feel like myself again after living through the tragic event from earlier this year with the death of my family’s dog. Maybe it was the increase in my antidepressant dosage, maybe it was just time healing the wounds, maybe it was acceptance or coming to terms with the horror that occurred. I don’t know. Maybe it was a combination. Either way, I’m glad life is becoming a little more tolerable.
More days trips. More breathing in the beauty around. More time spent with the ones we love. More gentle moments. More. More. More.
See you out on the trail!